It was but one of those regular days of mine. Woke up, had some coffee, a nice medium-well done code slice. Then already I’ve known the testers were on my tail, but I did not give them enough credit. I should have hidden myself better, rather than all those code-eating parties I had after my first successful glitch job. A common mistake amongst the Codelesscatraz folk. I now know that. I am not a good person, I know that well, but what could I do? The people hunting me made me the way I was, it was their mistake, not mine. And yet I got punished.
The first piece of code I ate remained unnoticed. That made me feel all-powerful. But one more of my many mistakes. Even faster than I could say “ha-ha, you’ll never catch me!” the testers have started their logs, my face was on every pole, on every wall or a bar window. It rained when I saw the first “wanted” log. I remember it as if it was yesterday. It’s like they’ve had a snitch or something. The log had it all: the build version, the ‘submit on’, the module, the severity, the synopsis not mentioning the description to reproduce. They got me right where they wanted. They even had something they were calling optional fields in their files on me. The ones used with their manual working thugs. They knew it all: the customer name, OS, browser, file attachment and screenshots, all these screenshots of things I thought only I and that Code-chick shared with each other.
Thus my life changed in one rainy day. I was on the run, yet where could I hide? They had an entire plan I saw lying on the detective’s desk, so I used the rusty bit piece and my toothbrush, all I have here, in my cell, to make a picture of it, so everybody can see how unfair they are to us, what methods they are using to catch bugs like me. Is it not a violation of code-citizens’ rights?
After all that I am here, don’t even want to talk about the court, there was none. Just a parody, everybody knew way before I’ll end up here. So all I have is my rusty bit piece and a file at the warden’s office. A file of my life:
- New: The time they’ve firs spotted me
- Deferred: My original status. They’ve never thought I was important to catch during this release. They’ve changed their minds afterwards.
- Assigned: Their lead, commissioner Gordon has assigned my case to their top hound, Jimmie T
- Resolved/fixed: Jimmie has done his dirty code changing business. Mu status was stating ‘fixed’ so he passed me to the testers, like I was some minor error, a mistake in the code, not a part of it.
- Could not reproduce: I was smarter than that. I was silent, when they wanted me to talk. The developers had no chances of reproducing me with the steps QA gave them. So they marked me as ‘CNR’ and the merry-go-round went all over again. Afterwards QA were able to get what they wanted, will never tell you how they did it. And detailed reproduction steps as my sentence went to devs.
- Need more information: Then it was paper work. Developers needed more information on the reproduction steps. My case was tagged as ‘need more information’. I thought I could catch a break, but no, the QA hounds are fast. They’ve sent the developers additional data in less than an hour. Oh the digital era, crime was so much easier back in the day, when I was stealing but bits of space from software as a young Trojan.
- Reopen: QA were not satisfied with the sentence. They thought that I was still reproducible even after their 20 year fix. I was ‘reopen’ so that developers could take appropriate actions.
- Closed: the name speaks for itself. After all the double and triple-checks both QA and Developers were satisfied with my life sentence. So I was ‘closed’, locked for good.
- Reject/invalid: was not my case. This one’s for the lucky rich daddy’s sons. These can get away with mere ‘rejectinvalid’ marks meaning that they are harmless to the system. I hate those even more then the tester hounds.
And here I am now, in Codelesscatraz, writing these lines and …